In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
