I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
