Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I am naked and annoyed.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
