READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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