i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize