last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
