STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I don't deserve a penis
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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