we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
