Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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