i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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