i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
