he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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