My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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