so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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