How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
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Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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