she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
