You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
