you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
