I wish I could teleport
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
