I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
