Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
