You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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