He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
