The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My penis needs a shock collar
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
