So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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