Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
