also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
