I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
