the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
