The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
