so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize