While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
