20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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