Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
