I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
