I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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