This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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