it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I think i got beer on your cat.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
