Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize