they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
