We're facebook friends in real life
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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