Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
