he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you have to choose: penises or morals?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
