i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
