Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
