I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
