It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
