no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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