I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
