just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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