I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
