I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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