Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
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I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
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Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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