I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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