i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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