do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
