I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
