so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
