He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
