HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
